Learning While Waiting

Hey everyone! So many of you have been asking about new updates with the adoption and as of now we are just waiting for a call for when a birth mother has chosen us. We received our approved home study paperwork and we received a letter informing waiting families that a few new  mothers early in their pregnancy have come to them and that they are showing the waiting families profile books as often as possible. So for now we will continue to pray as we wait for the long-awaited call. But there were a few things I felt that God wanted me to share that He has dealt with me about. So much has happened within the last few months as we finished the last part of the paperwork, starting one of my busiest seasons with photography, and well of course staying busy with teaching. During this time God has opened my eyes to various areas in my life that I needed to work on. Waiting can be so hard especially when you seem like you have waited forever, I will say that receiving our home study was huge relief and eased the anxiety some but some days are still difficult! I recently started one bible study called "Wait and See" by Wendy Pope and it has definitely helped in encouraging me on how to make the most of my wait. One of the first things she said early on in her book was ....

One of my prayers during this time is that God would show me what I need to change in my life before we are matched with a child. Like Wendy Pope said "Don't let the object of your wait, replace the object of your faith." I know there is a reason for our wait and while we do not understand at times, I wanted to make the most of my wait. I don't want "becoming a mother" to consume my life to a point that it effects my walk with God.  So instead I wanted to make use of this wait time and allow God to deal with me about an area in my life and well a major struggle I have is not slowing down.  I've had many tell me this over the years that I needed to slow down but unfortunately I have a problem with taking on way too much and then find myself in over my head sometimes and I just seem to be always on the go. I somehow had it in my mind that I was "Super Woman", that if what was asked of me was something I knew I could do, I agreed to it. Sadly though I have to acknowledge the fact that I am getting older (cringe) and my body does not handle the stress of taking on so much like it used to. I learned this a few months when my knee locked up on me (just walking in the parking lot at church) and I was down for three weeks. Afraid surgery was inevitable thankfully God came through and I realized I needed to slow down, my body can't just "walk it off" anymore. Something else big happened, my last exam results came back in September with "Failed" once again. Funny thing is I started noticing a shift in my priorities after I received my results. What is strange is even though I was disappointed and discouraged, there was something inside of me that was also somewhat relieved. Considering that my anxiety attacks that week had reached a point that I was having serious symptoms, I realized that I needed to take a break and seek God about what I needed to do. As I prayed over this very confusing time I asked God why have I not passed? Why has the adoption process taken so long? Did I misunderstand your calling? Am I supposed to do this? And His response... "Trust Me." Have you been there? Maybe you are in a season of waiting now and everything either seems to be falling apart around you or nothing is moving in the direction you think it should be moving? Well that is where I was at.

Waking up in the morning was difficult after receiving my results, Satan constantly bombarded my mind with negativity and would beat me down about how I was just a failure at everything. I felt like I was hanging on by threads but there was something else that had changed before all of this happened. I had already declared war (or as I put it to J.R., I'm going "War room" on Satan) and was fighting back in prayer against all the anxiety in my life. Even the mornings where I felt like I was going to break, I turned on my worship playlist I had created with my fight songs. Starting off with "Not Today" by Hillsong United. Repeating over and over "Not Today Satan!" Followed by "The Breakup Song" By Francesca Battistelli, "Freedom Hymn" by Austin French, "You Say" by Lauren Daigle, etc.

Sometimes I still question if I had missed something? Or did I misinterpret God's calling on my life? It seems like the longer the wait, the more I would either get impatient and look for an alternative route or I would start questioning if it was supposed to happen when it didn't happen according to my timeline. Can you relate? Considering our society is to a point that everything is pretty much at our fingertips or is available to us within in minutes, waiting can seem impossible. Even just getting caught by a red light can irritating. So then we avoid all the high traffic areas by taking the "back way". Unfortunately when we try to take the "back way" while waiting on God's timing we end up at a dead end or getting off track completely. One verse that really spoke to me while reading "Wait and See" was Isaiah 43:18-19

                        "But forget all that it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. 
                           For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! 
                          Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. 
                         I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."

Wow, I almost shouted after reading that! Even though we can't always see what God is doing He is working behind the scenes. So then how do we go about during our waiting season?

                        "Wait on the Lord and be of good courage and He shall strengthen
                                                                      your heart."   
                                               
                                                                     Psalm 27:14

Wait on God, seek him, allow him to work while you wait. God will do something during that time, if we allow Him to. It doesn't matter what we are waiting for, a new job, a spouse, a child, a healing, a job promotion, whatever you are waiting for take that time to open up your heart and draw close to God. I love that even on days that I doubt myself or worry that I have missed something. God will just send a little sign or just speak to my heart to remind me that He is hearing my prayers. I haven't missed what He has called me to do. Even on the days that it seems like He is silent or that my prayers aren't being heard, He is still working. Yes I get impatient, yes I want to be a Mom, yes I want to pass my exam, yes I still battle anxiety, but I refuse to give up and you shouldn't either. Remember what Jeremiah 29:11 says

                   "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans to prosper
                            you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and future."

                                   
He knows the plans, the question is do we trust Him to guide us through that plan even if there is a long wait? Don't give up, Keep praying until things change!

Many Blessings,
Jessica

Adoption Update

It has been a while since I have blogged about our adoption journey and we have had many asking how the adoption is going and what is next. So I figured this would be a great time to reboot our adoption blog and update everyone!

Those who have been with us from the beginning we thank you for all your love and support during this whole process and for those who are just now joining us here is just a quick overview of our journey.

-We started our Adoption Journey June 2016 by attending an orientation at one agency in Dallas with their infant adoption program.

-We started our paper work and began fundraising to raise money so we could pay for our home study with them.

-Unfortunately they did not inform us that the first down payment of the adoption process with them was due within 45 days of purchasing our notebook. The first down payment was $7500 and well we had not raised enough within the 45 days. They suggested that we take out a loan but we did not want to take out a loan so they asked us to step aside.

-Heartbroken we tried a different route. We attended a CPS foster/adoption meeting. Once again my heart was broken as we were informed that if we were wanting to strictly adopt a child in the age group of 6 and under we would be waiting forever.

-Back to the beginning again, it was then that we were recommended Living Alternatives. We attended their Orientation in the spring of 2017 and everything changed after that.

Now obviously it still took over a year to get our home study with Living Alternatives and well I will admit I was impatient at various times when they did not have any mothers at the time interested in adoption which put a delay on waiting families to get a home study. I had a timeline in my head of how this was to go and I wanted a baby ASAP. So as we waited for a home study I looked in to two other agencies and every time we attempted to go somewhere else the doors would just close and we were not being able to move forward. {There was not any problems with the other two agencies there was always a scheduling conflict every time we tried to move forward with meetings}

Just as I was about to give up on the adoption completely (back in May actually). I walked into church discouraged about the whole situation and our caseworker for Living Alternatives walks up to me and says "You need a home study." Shocked I replied "Yes Ma'am, we do!".
Then on August 28th we completed our home study and ordered our profile book.

We turned in our profile book for them to start showing mothers interested in finding a family to adopt their child. So now we are just waiting for a call that we have been matched. We did receive a letter this week letting us know that a few new mothers early in their pregnancy interested in an adoption plan and they are trying to show the waiting families profile books as often as they can. They also ask for everyone to continue to pray that God will continue to not only pray for the waiting families but also the mothers.

As we wait we are fundraising in attempt to adopt debt free. We have just finished a Scentsy fundraiser that was very successful and also a t-shirt fundraiser which we will be relaunching again soon! I will continue to update everyone on our fundraisers along with any other updates. If you are wondering what our newest t-shirt looks like here are examples of the front and the back. We also have an older one that I will try to share later.

Thank you everyone for you love and prayers!

Love,
Jessica and J.R.

Learning to Let Go and Let God.... update

Well it has definitely been very hectic these last few months and we have had many ask about how the adoption process is going. Well if you had asked me a month ago I would have broke down crying. Sometimes bumps happen along the way and many families that we knew that have adopted had warned me about this. Many have said to be prepared for a few heartbreaks along the way but to always pray for God's strength and peace along the journey. One thing that has comforted me is knowing that God has the perfect child or children for J.R. and I. I know He has a plan and even though it may not follow exactly what I have planned or expected there is a reason for it. Now don't worry we are still adopting we are just pursuing other options, such as another agency or possibly private adoption. The day that God shut the door to the first agency we were pursuing I realized God was trying to get my attention. Looking back I realize I was so set on this one agency I didn't take the time to pray and seek which route God wanted us to take. Even though I was an emotional wreak the day we learned it was not going to work out with the first agency,  I received calls about two possible adoption opportunities. While we were not able to pursue them at the time I felt it was God's way of reminding me He has a plan. During all of this the song "Thy Will Be Done" by Hilary Scott really ministered to me.

While I was very confused about all that was happening like the song says "I may never understand that my broken heart is apart of your plan, when I try to pray all I've got is hurt and these four words, Thy Will be Done..." This is exactly what I had come to, and it's amazing this song would come on the radio on my way to work every morning while I was dealing with the confusion and hurt. One night as I lay in bed crying over the situation J.R. just reminded me that God has a plan and that maybe this first agency was the starting point and God is showing us He has another path He is wanting us to take. We both knew that we were called to adopt and have always talked about it and now that we are pursuing it, being patient can be difficult at times.

Word is getting out about us wanting to adopt and a few individuals, who have adopted, told us to be prepared for if someone knows of a person that would be interested in private adoption. Also another ministry within the area that assists in adoption and provides the same as the first agency we pursued but does not cost as much. We are now working on the paper work for this agency and are amazed at how important our faith and church background is more important to them than our financial history. Once again we are in this waiting period as we pray and wait for what God has next in this journey whether we end up with a baby or babies next month or next year we are letting go and letting God have his way. While not know how everything will turn out can be stressful in the end we know this adoption will be a testimony and a beautiful adoption story!

pc: Rachel Leigh Photography

Reality Check

Patience.....

I'm reminded of it daily. I'm a pretty patient person but to a certain point and well once again my patience is definitely being put to the test. I'm not talking about the patience that I have to use daily with the children I work with daily or the patience I need when waiting in line for something, I'm talking about the patience you need when waiting on something your heart longs for. That is what I'm dealing with during this adoption process.

You would think it would be easy considering I just experienced this type of patience just four years ago during our 3 year engagement. That period where I photographed, attended, and witnessed more weddings during that time period then I have before we got engaged. It was hard, am I saying I regret it? No, God had a plan and I had to continually remind myself that during that time just like I am having to do now. It was worth the wait just like I know once our new baby is placed in our arms it will be worth this long wait. But some days are difficult, just like when we were engaged my heart longed to be married sooner and there were days I just cried. The past few days have been that way, even though we were able to mail some of our paperwork in I looked at our list of other items we needed to gather up and the overcoming fear of "We are never going to get through this..." or "It will be forever till we get our baby" hit hard. Even though we just moved forward by one step by mailing in some of our paper work it still felt we were a million miles away from the official "waiting period" also known as the period we wait for a birth mother to choose us. Just thinking about that at times stresses me out to think about how long that could take. And just like when we were engaged and we witnessed many people get married, we are at that period where many are announcing either their first or for some their second pregnancy. While I'm very excited for those, it definitely hurts sometimes to think that unlike waiting 9 months for a baby we will more than likely be waiting longer.  Yes I know God has a plan, yes I know the wait will be worth it, and yes I know God's timing is better than our own but some days it's just not as encouraging as other days. It's not that I'm just sitting around thinking about it all the time, If anything I'm trying to balance everything going on so that nothing is missed within the paperwork process.

While this is an exciting time for our family and we are thrilled to be called to this I also don't want to lie to those considering adoption, there are days where it is frustrating when you are digging to find everything that is needed to be copied to include in the paper work. There are days where you stress over how you will financially cover all the costs. When to expect your home study to be and how to plan for it. Or you wonder whether you will receive a boy or a girl and how much time will you get to finish the nursery. Will we get a month? A few weeks? A few days? All of these are possibilities and when we get to the "waiting period" we must be prepared for anything. Including getting the call and traveling out of state for a week to receive our little bundle of joy. At the end of the day even if it has been one of those days that you just want to cry over the process I just have remind myself to not give up that God has chosen us to be adoptive parents and He knows exactly who will be our baby .... or hey maybe even babies ;).

Paper, Paper, and more Paper

Well our notebook is here which means we are in 

step 3 

the paperwork

Oh and there are so many pages to fill out! From fingerprinting, background checks, doctor visits, family backgrounds, and of course the financial aspect. So pretty much every aspect of our life is being put on paper. It's a lot to do but it will be worth it in the end. We are also taking this time to apply for adoption grants and fundraise to help fund the adoption. Because well..... adoption is expensive but so worth it! Right now we are selling t-shirts we have created to help raise money and awareness for adoption!

Here is a look at one of them:)

If you would like to purchase one of these here is the link

https://www.bonfire.com/garen-adoption/

Thank you for all your love and support during this time! Once we are finished with the paperwork we will then prepare for the Home Study. I look forward to sharing our adoption experience and our journey to meeting our baby!

God Bless!

-Jessica

The Beginning of a New Adventure

                                 


I love new adventures and this one I have a feeling is going to be quite a roller coaster! We are excited and nervous about this adoption but we know God has called us do this. We have had many ask us so many questions pertaining to the adoption I'm hoping to answer and clarify the process. First we completed an info sheet about ourselves to be accepted into one of the adoption programs at Gladney. We researched different adoption agencies and Gladney just seemed to be the right one for us. After filling out our info sheet we were told that we would know in about 10 business days whether or not we had been accepted into the program. Now we were not sure what all it took to be accepted but we prayed that if this agency was not the one for us then we would look a different one. In three days we received news that we had been accepted into the domestic infant program! Tears of joy filled my eyes as I ran through work calling J.R. to tell him the good news and tell my co-workers. We learned that before being accepted they present couple's info sheets to a board that decide if the couple would complete the adoption process and if they met the agency's standards to present to birth mothers/parents. So to receive the news that we had been accepted and what it meant for them to accept us was enough confirmation for us. We then set a date to attend orientation at Gladney in Ft. Worth. We attended along with 11 other families and learned more about the domestic infant program, financial needs, and the legal aspects of adoption. We then were given a tour of the dorms for birth mothers that choose to stay at Gladney. The dorm was absolutely beautiful and it was nice to learn how well they take care of the birth mothers and support them from the time they arrive to the time they leave. They support them even after their baby is adopted. After the tour they brought two birth mothers in to talk to the families and tell us about their experience at Gladney and what their expectations were when choosing a family. We then had the opportunity to also meet a couple that had just adopted their newborn baby and share their adoption experience. The entire day was wonderful and We walked away excited and ready to begin our adoption journey! So here we are now waiting for our adoption notebook to arrive any day now to begin the paperwork. So here is a layout of what we will be expecting.

 1. Info Sheet
 2. Orientation

  3. Paperwork
  4. Home Study
  5. Home Study approval
  6. Profile Books created and sent out
 7. Wait to be chosen

 Each adoption is different and it is hard to say how long our wait will be once our profile books are presented to birth mothers/parents. The great news is our profile books will be presented to birth mothers all over the nation which will give us more opportunities. The wait will seem long but we know God has a plan and we look forward to the day we get to meet our little one!


Picture credit: Rachel Leigh Photography