Reality Check

Patience.....

I'm reminded of it daily. I'm a pretty patient person but to a certain point and well once again my patience is definitely being put to the test. I'm not talking about the patience that I have to use daily with the children I work with daily or the patience I need when waiting in line for something, I'm talking about the patience you need when waiting on something your heart longs for. That is what I'm dealing with during this adoption process.

You would think it would be easy considering I just experienced this type of patience just four years ago during our 3 year engagement. That period where I photographed, attended, and witnessed more weddings during that time period then I have before we got engaged. It was hard, am I saying I regret it? No, God had a plan and I had to continually remind myself that during that time just like I am having to do now. It was worth the wait just like I know once our new baby is placed in our arms it will be worth this long wait. But some days are difficult, just like when we were engaged my heart longed to be married sooner and there were days I just cried. The past few days have been that way, even though we were able to mail some of our paperwork in I looked at our list of other items we needed to gather up and the overcoming fear of "We are never going to get through this..." or "It will be forever till we get our baby" hit hard. Even though we just moved forward by one step by mailing in some of our paper work it still felt we were a million miles away from the official "waiting period" also known as the period we wait for a birth mother to choose us. Just thinking about that at times stresses me out to think about how long that could take. And just like when we were engaged and we witnessed many people get married, we are at that period where many are announcing either their first or for some their second pregnancy. While I'm very excited for those, it definitely hurts sometimes to think that unlike waiting 9 months for a baby we will more than likely be waiting longer.  Yes I know God has a plan, yes I know the wait will be worth it, and yes I know God's timing is better than our own but some days it's just not as encouraging as other days. It's not that I'm just sitting around thinking about it all the time, If anything I'm trying to balance everything going on so that nothing is missed within the paperwork process.

While this is an exciting time for our family and we are thrilled to be called to this I also don't want to lie to those considering adoption, there are days where it is frustrating when you are digging to find everything that is needed to be copied to include in the paper work. There are days where you stress over how you will financially cover all the costs. When to expect your home study to be and how to plan for it. Or you wonder whether you will receive a boy or a girl and how much time will you get to finish the nursery. Will we get a month? A few weeks? A few days? All of these are possibilities and when we get to the "waiting period" we must be prepared for anything. Including getting the call and traveling out of state for a week to receive our little bundle of joy. At the end of the day even if it has been one of those days that you just want to cry over the process I just have remind myself to not give up that God has chosen us to be adoptive parents and He knows exactly who will be our baby .... or hey maybe even babies ;).